I'll Have an Order of Golden Dawn With a Side of Baphomet

  

Photo courtesy of Justine Jopp

   Things are looking up.  Our Svengali-like neighbor has retreated to the inner chambers of Castle Neurosis, and my lungs once again absorb oxygen.  The mahayaga was a success, I hear, although during that time at least three people I know had major heart attacks.  Mahayaga - Valentine's Day - Heart Attacks?  I'm a firm believer in the notion that there are no coincidences, but that doesn't mean everything makes sense.  Just ask Aleister Crowley, one of the most confusing people to have ever existed, credited in no small part to his excessive use of symbols and jargon.  Um, kind of like cyclists.
   Alas, my occult initiation into higher levels of cycling esoterica went "tits up", as they say in Aleister's home town, as I was passed over as a "Brand Ambassador" for Pactimo Apparel.  I guess I'll have to put my epaulets back in their velvet-lined drawer.  This guy also didn't win, and he's taking it way better than I am.  But he's from Wisconsin, where there are people living all over the state, not just in one little southeast corner of it, if you get my meaning.  Yes, there were 1800 applicants, and yes, they picked only 25 of them as ambassadors, and yes, I don't have a Twitterpinfaceplant account with a quadrillion followers, and yes, I look like a hobbit on a bicycle when I ride so maybe Pactimo's cool free kit wouldn't necessarily be well-advertised - But. All three winners from New York State were from New York City.  So everyone in Colorado (where Pactimo is based), like everyone else outside of NY State, thinks that New York City is New York State, and that everything north and west of Manhattan and Long Island is uncharted wilderness full of raccoons and gnomes, and maybe a few human settlements.  Oh, and like, a lake or something.
   Being the westernmost outpost of our "state", Buffalo takes full umbrage to the above presumption, in the form of Making Everything About Buffalo.  Regardless of how embarrassing, laughable, or downright creepy something is, if it has farted somewhere near North Tonawanda, every news station will carry the story for a week about the Amazing Buffalo-Based Farting Thing.

"This guy's from Buffalo! Yeah! Go Buffalo!"

 

 Timothy McVeigh was from Lewiston, which is 30 miles north of Buffalo, and hadn't lived there since he was a baby, but BUFFA-LOOOO!  We do not discriminate - mass murderers and chicken wings are FROM BUFFALO.  Period.  Some people think Aleister Crowley flapped his cape here in Buffalo once, too.  You know, because.

   And here's some good news from the world of women's cycling apparel - Giro has definitely gotten it right with their New Road Collection for men and women.  High-quality stuff for commuting mainly, everything is wool-blend, in grey, black and orange color schemes, and clearly designed for total function and comfort and perfect fit.  They even have chamois underwear, and managed somehow not to mention sex even once!

   Here is also another new line out, by Vulpine.  Similar deal - really smart commuter wear, and no pink and blue.  You can read an in-depth review here.  Just remember it's a UK company and things can get pricey (but not pear-shaped).

   Quite by accident, I also came upon a brand-new clothing company called Velocio, started by one my favorite women in cycling, Kristy Scrymgeour, the founder of the Specialized-lululemon women's team, and indefatigable supporter of all things woman-with-bicycle.  These items are more cycling/racing-focused, and look to be top-notch in quality.  And if you're looking for Specialized-lululemon's famous kit, you can get it here.  If you've been pussyfooting about spending the money on this one, you'd better just do it now and cry later, because the team has a new kit for 2014, and unless you are really into floral patterns, it's not as cool as the old one.  Do what thou wilt.