The City of Good Neighbors

   When writing out the title to this particular blog post, I accidentally typed, "The City of Good Neighbots".  Freudian slip or dystopian warning (or merely bad typing skills)?  Or maybe, it's the Buffalo motto that some people would prefer.  Buffalo is also called, An All America City.

Hopefully, no one actually prefers this one, since it makes us look like a bunch of illiterate knuckleheads.  "Neighbots", on the other hand, has kind of a nice, orderly imagery - a sense of predictability that would be much appreciated in a place like Buffalo's Elmwood Village, especially in light of the recent chaos there.  Here's a recounting of last week's scene via Facebook:

That's right, people, Sunday afternoon foot races are the cause of all this mayhem of waiting in taxis and such.

Just look at them all, smugly clogging a road lane for almost an hour!  And in February, in Buffalo! (This picture is not of the actual race, in case anyone needed clarification of the fact that it's butt-ass cold here.)  I can almost sympathize with Ed, because it is pretty weird to be stuck in a taxi with the meter running.

 These guys don't mind - they're waiting for other cars, not pedestrians.

I'm not really sure I've heard about it happening all that much. 

  So I started out in full annoying reply mode to Ed's status:

Luckily, no one was really paying attention, due to the crisis at hand.  A voice of reason did appear from Dan:

But Ed was not deterred.

I tried my hand at Explanation of the Obvious:

And it was unacceptable.

Satisfied with his explanation of how he missed the "Cooperation" episode of Sesame Street 45 years ago, Ed went on to discuss the weather with Dan.
Not one to quit, even when it's a really good idea, I tried my hand at Apologetic Explanation of the Obvious:

Which yielded the expected, "I will tolerate things I personally like engaging in, but not things I don't" response:

Now, unable to control myself in the least, I tried my hand at Pathetically Obsequious Explanation of the Obvious:

Which resulted in Awkward Moments:

Ed goes on to sort-of kind-of apologize for being "cranky", but then things get interesting as others offer "solutions" to the "race problem" (take that how you will):

This is my personal favorite.  Nothing puts arsenic in the rum pudding like, "Why don't they all just go to the country?"  I'm also very fond of the repeated suggestions that the races be held in a park.  Because that's never been done before.
Here's a suggestion to file under, "Nonsensical":

Hi, Everyone!  I'm raising money NOT to run in the Leukemia Society 5K this Saturday, held on Genesee Street, simultaneously with every other 5K scheduled for that day!  Show me the money!

And then we round out this unfortunate conversation with the show-stopper:

Ellipsis, and....house lights come down.
I know, Madge, I know!  It would be really dumb to run right into a pot hole.  Just not nearly as dumb as driving a $20,000 piece of machinery through one.  And a funny thing about those infernal foot racers - they tend to run around obstacles instead of directly into them.
   So what is to be done about these horrible people (the runners, of course)?  Besides being the Cause (and cyclists, and walkers, and anyone who isn't driving a car and dares to be on the road) of traffic problems, the foot racers aren't terribly interesting.  So I've decided that runners should all dress how they used to in the 70's, and that would make people, especially impatient, affluent white people, like them more.

I'm liking them more already!

Ahh,  nothing soothes an over-arching sense of entitlement like some camel toe vintage photos of runners.

Since Ed hasn't noticed until now the race that has been held in his neighborhood every February for the last 35 years (because damn if he's going to check a website, or notice the news, or see the flyers, or listen to his friends who are running in the race), it's probably not a good idea to tell him about some of the more flamboyant races that are gaining in popularity, maybe?

 "Dude! Jello shots at Ed's house after!"

  One of the many illicit work camps that will be operating during the Apocalypse.

 No, probably not.  We'll wait until they're building the jello/vodka/mud/sumo/dye/thong pit in front of his house to break the news.

   

   For those of us with real problems, here's how the last four months have been for anyone in Buffalo trying to use their legs or a bicycle to get around:

          

There's a bike lane under there somewhere.  Notice where the dotted lines go - directly underneath a parked car.

Yes, I took that last photo from my car.  Because I'm not someone with real problems - I'm more in the Ed category.  For those who don't have the privilege of driving (and yes, it's a privilege, not a right), this winter has been alarmingly brutal.  This is in part due to the fact that the City of Buffalo, like many cities its size in the Northeast, is not required to plow bike lanes - but mostly due to the fact that it does not make plowing sidewalks a priority (or even an afterthought).  It is probably needless to say how dangerous it is for people to have to walk in the street to get anywhere (even to the bus stop), but for some reason they're forced to do so, every friggin' winter.  

   Slowly, ever so slowly (and slow is fast in Buffalo), making the streets safer in this town is getting more press and more community effort, with many thanks to Green Options Buffalo (more often called GO Bike Buffalo).  It might seem ridiculous for a city to build bike lanes and then use them as snow storage in the winter, but this is Major Progress for Buffalo, and the good parts couldn't have happened without GO Bike's advocacy and the efforts of individuals and LBS's.  There are A LOT more people riding bikes and walking around Buffalo than there were 5-10 years ago - something that we as Buffalo residents are going to have to notice, and on some uncomfortable levels.  No one should have to prove to anyone they have the right to use the public roads they pay for for something other than driving a car.  More importantly, no one should have to prove they have the right NOT to be run over by someone who has been conditioned to believe on some level that he/she is entitled to do so (that would be everyone who drives, by the way).  That last one is tough, and it can't be ignored like a 5K race schedule.  

  And the fiscal "toll" of modifying roadways to accommodate only one type of transportation is becoming too hard to ignore also.  Here's the state of funding for highways for 2014 - for the entire US.  There it is.  Can you hear the deafening alarms?  I hope so.

   As for the steadfastly intolerant drivers among us, no worries!  When I'm carting them and their useless limp spaghetti legs around in my rickshaw, as part of my extremely lucrative rickshaw business I will own during the apocalypse, there will be plenty of time to talk about evolution.