Take a Picture, It'll Last Longer

   Ah, Sunday the 23rd of March, how much you are like every Sunday in December, January and February.  This morning we watched in horror as the snow fell, yet again.  Even our dog tried to bite it, which he never does.  The air temperature at 1:00 PM?  Twenty-one degrees Fahrenheit (10° windchill).  Nature is laughing; a grating, Pee Wee Herman laugh.
   At least, for now, the snow is covering the Fecal Landscape that is Buffalo during a thaw.

Be assured, this is all made of poop.

Attempting to gross myself out completely with this train of thought, I happened upon an article about one of the results of our sewer and storm drains not being separate from each other (as in, they're the same tube pouring god-knows-what all over the place).  But then, while scanning the comments for juicy adjectives, I came across this, an amazing blog by a fellow Buffalonian who explores some of our more bizarre places, and takes high quality photos as he goes.  One of them is the giant sewer tunnel that the above mentioned creek runs into.  Like Marat in the sewers of Paris, he walked the entire length with a friend and documented it on his blog (well, Marat didn't have a blog).  No skin conditions manifested as a result.  For any of you who love old, abandoned places, the more industrial the better, this blog is for you.  And he kind of tells you where these sites are, which is very nice and non-snobbish of him.

   Moving on to much less exciting news, but news that might prove informative nonetheless, I will tell you of my recent decision to switch car insurance carriers to Progressive.  Being overly enthusiastic about new things in general, I decided it would be peachy keen if I also tried their Snapshot device in my car, to get supposed discounts.

Looking like a cross between a thumb drive and a case of birth control pills, the Snapshot device doesn't take actual photos, but plugs into your car's diagnostic port and chirrups happily every time you hit your brakes too hard.  Why is it so happy?  Because every time it chirps is one less chance for the poor sucker (golly, this is really boss!) who thought it was a good idea to plug Big Brother into her car to get a discount.  So far, any time it has made any noise I've been driving around 20 mph and lilting to a stop like a sparrow touching down on a branch.  I'm screwed.  Apparently, some people have it even worse than me, and yet others are very happy with their Snapshot.  Here is a comprehensive blog piece on the Snapshot someone took a heck of a lot of time compiling anecdotal information for, so you'd better read it, you cads!  I'll be updating you all on which insurance carrier I will be switching to frantically in 6 months.
   You know those old Carol Burnett skits, where everyone is laughing hysterically, and wigs are askew, and costumes are ripped, and props are collapsing willy-nilly?  Well, that's basically me trying to eat on a road bike (I always wear a wig when I'm on a bicycle).   Because every attempt at "fueling" is a calamity waiting to happen, I try to eat those neat little "chews" that are available for us incurable klutzes.  However, nothing is easy when it comes to me and bicycles, and so not any old chew will do, as I have a rather sensitive stomach.  Things could go from Carol Burnett to GG Allin very quickly if I eat something with a lot of processed sugar, or maltodextrin, or chemicals (also known as "natural flavors").  I used to take Clif Shot Bloks on my rides, because their main sweetening agent was brown rice syrup.

Then I noticed they changed the recipe and switched from brown rice syrup to maltodextrin.  So now I use Honey Stinger Chews, which I believe are the only quick energy chews available that don't have processed anything in them.

And they have honey in them, which for a person like me who is part pooh and part hobbit, means they contain the nectar of life itself.
For any of you who are trying to decide what is best to use while riding or running, here's a nice review I found of the energy gels out there, and what their ingredients are.
When I need the higher calorie, protein and carb kind of bar for long rides, I like these:

Bonk Breakers have mostly natural, organic ingredients, although only the Almond Butter and Honey, and Apple Pie bars have no cane sugar at all in them.
 
   Recently, Bicycling Magazine featured a recipe for homemade energy bars in their online blog.  I decided to try making the bars, to see if they worked for me and saved some money.  I won't include a picture of the final product, because they are definitely not as neat and tidy as Bonk Breakers.  Anyway, I altered the recipe to include ingredients I already knew were optimally digestible, and I added a little more protein in the form of hemp powder, as that also helps me to digest everything at a reasonable pace.  The final yield was 32 bars that were roughly 4 cm square, with each one being approximately 285 calories.  Since I can't yet do a 3-4 hour ride to test these, I ate one after the next-hardest workout, Insanity.  If an energy bar feels like it's absorbing directly into my cells with life-giving ambrosia, even after a barf-inducing workout, I know it's the right energy bar for me.  And the homemade ones passed this test!  This recipe is definitely a winner - it's easy to follow and easy to alter to suit you personally.  And it saves money.  I used rather expensive ingredients, and it still cost about half of what Bonk Breakers cost.
As for Insanity,

it's still pretty silly.  I gain lots of muscle, but almost never lose weight, because this type of workout makes me want to eat whole chickens every chance I get.  And, since I'm 98% hobbit, I just end up looking like a strangely pumped hobbit when all is said and done.  There will definitely be no "after" pictures, that's for sure.